clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
