your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
