sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
