Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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