I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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