you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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