dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
