I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Panties = found
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
