i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
