Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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