remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
