If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
