If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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