the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
