Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
