I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
