So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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