Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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