Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
