I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
