My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
