My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
