I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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