Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
