there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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