It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
