5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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