That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
