It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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