I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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