Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
