Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
