I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
