Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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