My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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