Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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