My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
