A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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