i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
