A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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