Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
