Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I think my vagina is haunted
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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