Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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