matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I faked an abortion last night.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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