One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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