Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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