I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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