Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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