He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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