do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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