Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
