I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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